I know, it's been a while... I apologize for that. During my absence, shall I tell everyone (or who ever reads my blog) what has happened recently? WEEEELLLL... I SHALL. Now, this post may be a long one, it may have a lot of cursing in it, and I might sound a tad bit angry.. But oh well. Thats what a blog is used for anyways.

My last post had been referring to my "boyfriend". We are no longer dating. I don't really want to hear "I'm sorries" or "it'll all be okay", because I did this for me so I'm fine with it. I'm just quite pissed. Why? Well, after the break up, probably a week later, he found yet another person to take in the new spot (like I said he would). It just bugs me how he can always play "the good guy", yet treat me like I'm not even the girlfriend that I was for almost 3 years who sacrificed a lot for him, did a lot for him and just cared a lot about him. I finally had enough of  it because he's so damn inconsiderate that I finally thought, "I really deserve better". The new girlfriend of his is a year younger and probably knows nothing about me. They've been dating for 2 weeks or just a bit over that and she's already calling him hubby, and making out with him, sucking face RIGHT infront of where I work. I can admit that I'm "jealous" in a way, but its not to the point where I want to say that I want him back. I just wish that the break up would have affected him even just a little, and that at least I get to find happiness before he does. You know? 

Right now, I can't complain about life. I just finished hosting my sister's baby shower, and I have also found someone else. I've been working with him for about a month and a half now but we havent really been moving forward until probably a week ago. I like him, he likes me, cool. I just know that although I do like him, I don't think I want to date again as of yet. Our workplace doesn't have a rule where we cannot date other employees, we have about 4 couples dating from my work actually LOL. But yeah, he's nice and everything and I like him a lot, but I just know that I haven't settled everything and got it out of my system yet for me to actually move on. 

What makes me angry though is that he came to my high school a year after we started high school. He decided to transfer schools and come to mine (I have no fucking idea why!) and bascially took over. I shared my friends and my life with him. Which was so damn stupid. Now my friends can't even back me up when they know that he's been an asshole to me throughout our relationship (or at least closer to the end). They can't even back me up even though they're supposed to be my best friends. I'm not telling them not to be friends with him, I just wish that they could show him that they support ME and just let him know how much of a jerk he is by not being so damn friendly with him. But they can't even do that. Is that a lot to ask? 

I'm just tired of high school. I want to meet new people, do things that actually matter in life, meet people that are more mature and not as childish and dramatic and what not. I don't even think of my friends as friends anymore. I've done a lot  for them, while my ex has done nothing and yet they still choose to not even show a bit of loyalty towards me. It's like a slap in the face, because I'm not even sking for much. They can talk shit about him behind his back, but in front of him, nothings wrong and they all love each other. I know that if the tables were turned, I would be there for them no matter what because they come first because any other person. I guess not any more though. I wish I had a friend that would stick with me through thick and thin, as I would for them, and we could trust each other with anything. The mentality of these girls just do not work in that way, they only care about attention and "popularity" which doesn't even exist in life. 

I could go on and on about this stuff but I've just been overly tired. I'm working a lot more, studying a lot more, working out more, and just trying to help out my sisters and mom more because I know they can't do everything themselves. I'm running on a few hours of sleep and don't even eat 3 meals a day. LOL I know, it sounds unhealthy... but eh.. I just thought I should give you all a short update. I'm sorry that I haven't been visiting lately. I'm just sick of being on the computer lately. I'll try my best to comment soon~

Tagged Under: Relationships

Hmm... This is rather more of a personal post, probably the most personal yet. Anyways.... Lately my feelings have been different. Back to normal I guess. If they say that distance makes the heart grow fonder, I wonder if this is what I can call "distance". I'm usually a person who likes to fly solo, and do her own things without having anything/anyone holding her back, but right now I feel like I'm being held back. I love one's company, but only at appropriate times. I hate seeing the same person all the time, talking to the same person all the time, and just doing nothing but being with that very same person. I'm just not made like that. Sure, I can love my friends, family and significant other to my hearts extent, but I really can't dedicate all of myself to one person more than myself. 

When there is no such thing as space, I get angry, frustrated and annoyed. I can't breathe. It gets to a point where it's almost suffocating. Life is busy as it is, difficult as it is and I really don't think I should have to add more things to my life to stress me out. Sometimes I do so for others' sake, to help them and make them happy, but I guess you can't always be so selfless. For a while now, I just want to be happy, enjoy MY own life as a teenager without having to tie myself down because of one person. I want to be able to enjoy the freedom that I have now before I have more responsibilites... But when I say enough is enough, I feel like I get completely replaced by another person. For a while I can not think about it and get on with my life, but when it gets shoved in your face, you just can't ignore it. It's like a slap in the face. I'm not the kind of person who can find "replacements", I value my relationships with others, so of course I'd care if I get "thrown away". 

I'm not sure if this post is making any sense right now to anyone else, but I just want to get this out. I apologize if I freak any of you out because of the sudden change of mood from one blog post that happened a couple hours ago to another. 

I can't really say what I want right now, because I have no clue. I wish I could say out everything I feel right now here on my blog, but I'm afraid someone can find it... I try talking to family about this, but they never understand. It's an easy situation and a easy solution: don't care, get along with life, and do your own thing without having to worry about the other. But of course, that would be difficult because the person I'm referring this blog post to goes to the same school as me. And of course my friends don't understand either because they are neutral. I'm not telling them to take sides, so I don't want to get them invovled. Even my best friend won't be able to understand because she has never gone through this. The solution is indeed easy to figure out, but hard to do. 

Although I hate being smuthered, I also hate being alone. 

Tagged Under: Relationships

... Don't even pay attention to me right now. LOL I'm almost to the point of screaming every word I speak. Why? I just had a shit load of sugar. I'm the kind of person who looovesss eating. As hard as it is to believe (since I'm only 96 lbs for a 5"4 person), I'm actually under weight for my height.  *Tear tear. Recently I thinkit's gotten worse.... (My hyperness I mean). I go to work at 50 PM and till around 7: 30-8 PM I'm like a dead zombie because I'm so tired from school. When it gets to my break, staff gets a free drink  (coke LOL) and a bag of popcorn if we want. Oh for those who asked where I work, I work on consessions, selling popcorn, drinks, food combos, candy and tickets at a theatre. Anyways, during my break I happily accept my free food and eat it all within 15 minutes. The next 15 minutes left during my break I'm laughing at everything that everyone says and I'm building up energy that my sugar rush is giving me.  

What is the result of my sugar rush.....?

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RUIVHJDVFNSDKVFBSDFJKVSDJVBNDJKCVBWDJKFWDBJKFEQHNEMDLNVKLDHNFK

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UIR.  LOLOLOL I become a hyper active asian girl who looks like a volcano that's about to errupt. So during my shift after my break, I'm running around behind the counter yelping and singing weird songs, dancing like an idiot, poking my fabulous co-workers, sweeping the floor while making light saber noises, hitting my co-workers, being immature and stealing their their pens and hiding them and other random atrocities. 

You can only guess what happens next. I am now banned from having sugar during my shifts  Hidoi!!!!! LOL being that I'm the youngest one there, I think they consider me as a hyper active freak that they need to contain and babysit  LMFAO I sound really annoying but during the time, they're gasping for air because they're laughing so hard because I'm just so damn funny. Mmmmmhhhmmmm. *Z snaps My mom already knows not to feed me sugar, or I'll turn the house into a farm... But eh. 

Besides that.. I've finished CCS, and now I'm watching... Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle!!!!  I love CLAMP... After I finish watching this, I might watch another one of CLAMP's works. If anyone knows any good ones, please let me know NIHAHAHAHAHAHA

Okay time for me to go. That's enough crazy for now.

TATA FOR NOW~ 

Tagged Under: Work